Off Balance

What do you do when what you prayed for doesn’t look like what you expected it to? I want to talk to you about balance and how sometimes when we pray to receive it, what we get can sometimes leave us feeling off balance.

A few months ago when I had my last manic episode with bipolar disorder, I cried out to Jesus to help me become more balanced. I had doubts about my ability to make important life decisions and I was worn out. So I prayed this prayer and Jesus showed up through family and friends to do the most thoughtful heavy lifting on my behalf. Let’s call this balance phase 1.

The beautiful thing about prayer is that like water, it continues to move and transform as you continue your walk in Christ. This is exactly what happened to me as I was moving from balance phase 1 to balance phase 2. In balance phase 1, Jesus used other people to help me reach a balanced state. In balance phase 2, Jesus was now using work to help me reach a more balanced state.

This second phase saw me going from the psych clinic to applying for jobs in education to getting a position as a full time substitute teacher. Now the blessings of this job are many but the main ones are that even though I’m a substitute, I’m not on call, I report to work at the same time every day, and I’m guaranteed work every day.

The major difficulties with this job for me are the unknown variables. Not knowing what subject I’m going to be teaching or the grade I’m going to be teaching, until the morning I was supposed to teach. Though I could see the pros of this teaching position clearly, the cons made me wonder why this place was chosen as my place of balance.

The answer to my predicament came in this word from Jesus: No blessing from God is a mixed blessing. If the blessing is bringing out something that would keep you from moving forward, it’s because it has to go. And if the blessing has you feeling off balance, it means there’s room for Jesus come in and do what only He can do. Only Jesus can balance us out. Only the Holy Spirit can keep us properly grounded.

In my situation, my anxiety was going crazy because the Lord was using my job to help address and remove my anxiety. I felt off balance because of those unknown variables, but having them there made me trust Jesus even more and give Him my yes every day.

Be encouraged! Jesus knows us better than we know ourselves and has planned for us far greater than we could ever plan for ourselves. It takes time to see the promise and even then, there are parts we aren’t privy to. Be patient, let your prayers unfold, and walk it out. You won’t regret it.

Til’ next time, adieu.

Why We Fast

“And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get.”

Matthew‬ ‭6:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Why do we fast? I first asked this question to myself a few years ago when I was deciding whether or not to get into fasting. And though I’ve received many different answers, the Lord gave me a very succinct response a few weeks ago. He said to me that we fast in order “to humble ourselves before God.” When we fast, we are making the choice to prioritize the Holy Spirit that lives within us and letting Him, His voice, His will be amplified within us.

The Lord then said that we fast in order “to repent for the mistakes and transgressions we’ve made.” When we choose to fast we are physically putting our flesh to death. In this way we die to ourselves and can see better how the Lord is moving in our lives. This of course includes when the Lord needs us to repent for specific mistakes or when He needs us to forgive.

The list continued farther when the Lord said that we fast to “thank God for His forgiveness and restoration of our lives in Christ.” The word of God says that we must die to our flesh before we can become a disciple of Jesus Christ and follow Him. By fasting or by engaging in the physical death of the flesh, we are telling Jesus thank you for loving us while we were still sinners. We are telling Jesus thank you for restoring us back to God’s family through Him. We are acknowledging that our lives are not our own and it is through Christ that we owe everything and must show gratitude.

Finally the Lord said to me that “we fast in order to pray.” The word of God tells us that prayer and fasting are two things that are meant to go together as a pair, but what the Lord said to me, challenged me to see fasting as something that helps you pray. Here’s the wisdom that the Holy Spirit gave me: because you are prioritizing the Holy Spirit when you fast, He helps you pray better because He is praying on your behalf, sending perfect prayers up to heaven.

I want to encourage anyone who is trying to level up in their relationship with Jesus but you are just not sure about fasting. I’ve stood where you are currently standing and I wasn’t sure of what to do. What I did know was who to turn to, Jesus. Jesus fights for us no matter what our struggle looks like. In prayer I asked Jesus to step into my fasting situation. And that’s exactly what He did! The same God that moved in my midst, will move in yours as well.

‘Til next time, adieu!

What’s The Move?

I want to talk to you about a lesson that I learned. I just started working this new job and I’m excited about it because it’s bringing a stability that I haven’t had in a very long time. My specific tasks are consistent, the people are continuously kind and helpful; things are good all around. Everything is good except for my commute which is unsustainable. I was using ride share to get to work and spending almost $20 in either direction, every single day.

One solution I tried was using my transit option. 90 mins of traveling, 2 buses, 20 min walk home at the end. Now I’m sure this doesn’t sound bad but the walk at the end was on grassy land with trees and dead shrubs everywhere. It wasn’t the kind of place I want to be walking down. Still, because I was determined to save money and fix this part of my new job experience myself, I went and did this walk. I figured that as long as I get off work while the sun was still out, I should be fine. I couldn’t have been more wrong if I tried!

As soon as I got to the path I was meant to walk through, I immediately regretted my decision. Every fiber of my being wanted no parts of what I was doing and it felt like my body was fighting me with every step that I took. The ground underneath my feet felt terrible and the changing terrain left a lot to be desired. By the time the “walk” was over, I was sure I lost a part of myself in those grassy lands and vowed never to do that again.

Jesus used this detailed story to remind me about rushing and the consequences of moving before He gives the word to move. “Haste makes waste.” When we don’t allow God to show us the way in our lives and try to forge a path ahead for ourselves by ourselves instead, we end up in unwarranted and unpleasant situations. When we give our ‘yes’ to God, we are not only meant to make space for Him but also for His timing and His process.

Jesus knows us better than we know ourselves and always includes what we can handle while excluding what we can’t handle into every plan He orchestrates. I want to encourage anyone who is trying to make decisions without waiting on Jesus. Don’t do it. Don’t end up in the grassy lands regretting every step you take.

At times, waiting on Jesus can feel long and leave you thinking that you’d be more at peace if you did it your way. When things become like that, remember that Jesus won’t leave you in uncertainty or with regrets. For as Isaiah 55:9 NLT says “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Til’ next time, adieu.

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